Following a conversation with my friend Katie who was mourning her Dad and strongly needing to know that she would one day see him again, I’d been thinking about whether it was possible to meet deceased friends during these new conscious experiences I was having.

I had done an hours meditation in the afternoon during which I decided to try this out with my old friend and ex boyfriend Joel. Joel had passed away 4 or 5 years previously and I had seen him at least twice in some very vivid dreams shortly after he died. In one of them I clearly remember that he was teaching me to fly.
He had always been a keen paraglider and usually referred to it as ‘going flying’ so since I’d been having lucid dreams and out of body experiences, I’d felt happy in the knowledge that he probably now got to fly whenever he wanted. Maybe he was excited to tell me that, and that’s what my dream had been about.

So anyway, during my meditation I held the intention of inviting Joel to come and visit me in a dream so that we could have a go at meeting up consciously.

That night, I dreamed I was in my bed at home, watching the shadow of a small biplane moving around on the wall.
My Dad was there. (Dad is still with us.) He was telling me how the image had come to appear, by explaining the way in which the light was reflecting through the curtains to cause the illusion.
I looked around the room to see if I could see a real or toy biplane anywhere but just saw Alex, (my boyfriend at the time) with a remote control box, seemingly controlling the shadow of it. I looked at the other side of the bed and saw another version of Alex there too. Normally this would have been a strong enough dream sign to wake me up into lucidity but for some reason it didn’t.

Next thing I knew I was downstairs in the kitchen with a previous housemate, Dee, who was playing with a little girl of about 6, and Joel was there :), but I didn’t become lucid.

In hind sight it was a bigger, brighter, more spacious version of my house in Peckham but I didn’t notice at the time.
Joel and I were looking at things in the fridge. He asked me why it was up-side-down. I laughed, blamed one of my housemates and asked him to help me turn it back around.
We went out into the garden…which was twice the size of my real garden, and chatted for a while. He pointed out that the garden was the size of football pitch, which by this time it was as it had been blatantly growing in size during our conversation.
I just shrugged and said “yeah it’s great for sunbathing”

Next thing I knew I was dozing in the sun in my bikini, and was suddenly jolted awake by really loud, horrible music. Angry, I walked over to Joel and shouted at him for turning the stereo up so high.. “Have you got no consideration for the neighbours? What’s the matter with you for gods sake?”
He yelled back at me “It’s because I don’t want you to sleep!”

There was a long pause, then I asked him why, and what he’d meant by it.

I had heard or interpreted his words slightly differently and for some reason though that he was insulting me or saying something bad. I can’t remember exactly what I heard but it was something that had triggered my insecurity and an attack of low self esteem.
He just rolled his eyes and said softly “Don’t worry…just give me a hug”
We had a big long hug which made me feel quite emotional…in neither a good or bad way, but I sobbed for a while.

When I woke up the next day I was kicking myself. The poor guy could not have made it any clearer!
I was so pleased that he seemed to have heard my invitation, and come to visit me but SO annoyed with myself that I hadn’t become lucid and made more of the opportunity.

When pondering on reasons for my surprising lack of lucidity during this dream, the main thing that stood out to me was the part when I’d misheard him say he didn’t want me to sleep.
I’d heard something instead, that had resonated with my biggest fear about myself, but as soon as I woke in the morning I could clearly remember him saying “I don’t want you to sleep”
It reminded me of something I’d read before that said having a lot of fear in ones energy field can be a cause of obstruction to O.B.E.s and lucidity. I guess that’s because it’s a low vibration.
I concluded that what was going on inside me on an emotional level at that time in my life could have easily been exactly the reason he couldn’t wake me up, and as regretful as I felt, I also felt very grateful to him for showing me that.

Also, “I don’t want you to sleep” was an interesting choice of words…Why not “I want you to wake up” or even more directly, “ I’m trying to remind you that this is a dream, so we can meet like you intended” ?

It definitely seems that there are some boundaries in place and that spirit guides aren’t allowed to make things too easy for us, but only give us hints. I noted that I wanted to find out more about these limitations and the reasons for them. Was it something to do with the law of free will?